• Inner Work

    Equanimity

    I’m obsessed with equanimity. It’s an often sought out thing, but a little used word. And it’s the word I want tattooed onto my body because I value equanimity so much. Equanimity is a mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. For much of my life – until I entered therapy when I was 39 – I struggled with finding any bit of peace within myself. I was always in panic mode. Always dealing with low and high levels of anxiety. Always trying to control things outside of myself (impossible and so so so draining) in order to avoid feeling my troubling or scary feelings.…

  • Personal Journey

    When you’re down what do you do to feel better?

    The way I feel better is by acknowledging that I feel bad and I don’t try to deny it, fight it or turn it into something different. This technique has had such impact in my life. Likely my most powerful strategy for my mental and physical health. I say physical because as I age I want to mitigate the physical consequences of stress. My body doesn’t bounce back like it used to if I feel muscles tightening in my back, shallow breathing or acid reflux. It’s never too late to address this part of our human experience! Here is what I do: When I feel down I take time to recognize…

  • Personal Journey

    What Sobriety Means To Me

    I have not had an alcoholic beverage since December 27th, 2013. On January 4th, 2014 I went in front a room of strangers and declared that I was an alcoholic. This declaration was important.  A public reality check of sorts that helped me create a final ending of a specific pattern of behaviour and start a new one. It helped me find a community of similarly minded people and feel less alone in my experience. It provided me with access to resources as I started to live my life without alcohol as a part of it – without my culturally celebrated pacifier. While I am now at ease with calling myself an alcoholic (it wasn’t easy at first), I do not…

  • News & Notes

    Blog Break

    Hello my blog friends! The blog has been quiet for a few months because I moved. It was quite the endeavour as I moved to an entirely new city (Montreal to Ottawa). I spent most of April preparing for the move. I did a tremendous purging of belongings as I went from a 1000 sq feet space to a 450 sq feet one. I sold my bed, TV, bureau (set of drawers? commode? what the heck is it called?), shelving, kitchen island, and dining room table. I gave away a lot of clothes and books. I shredded and recycled a lot of paper documents. I listened to The Minimalist Podcasts through out which…

  • Body & Wellness

    Fitness Journey

    These photos were taken 2 years ago over the course of 6 weeks of working out and eating 80% clean under the supervision of my trainer Sophie P Fitness. I think the results were pretty impressive. At the start point in early 2014 I was at around 160lbs.  Over the past 3 years I had gained weight (30lbs) and lost muscle tone.  Post-divorce I did a lot of emotional eating and excessive drinking as well as dealt with all the anxiety, depression, fear and over all stress that comes with struggling over how to rebuild one’s life. When I got sober in January 2014 I dropped 10lbs quite quickly and then…

  • Personal Journey

    September Catch-up

    Have you been following me on Twitter and Instagram? It’s where I’ve been most of the spring and summer. Online at least. That’s because I haven’t had time to dedicate to my writing beyond 140 characters. It was an experiment of sorts. Here is what happened. Opportunity In February/March I had the opportunity to apply for a job at Chez Stella – a local sex worker resource organization. Job opportunities are not something that come my way very often. One reason is that I have been self-employed and freelancing for close to 20 years. Another is that most of my work has been in and around the adult industry. I knew when I started in…