• Personal Journey

    Intention

    Let me start with a little reflection on decluttering… I started my decluttering in 2011. I think I was ahead of the trend. By a smidge anyway. I had a tonne of boxes to go through because of my separation and move to my solo life apartment. I was depressed and anxious. I wanted to feel better about myself, my stuff and my space. I happened upon the book Magical Housekeeping: Simple Charms and Practical Tips for Creating a Harmonious Home by Tess Whitehurst and used it to clear up my space both physically and emotionally. It might not be the book for everyone, but I learned a lot from that…

  • Personal Journey

    Resilience

    I have four tattoos. Three of which are small. I got them on the same day. They were a part of my healing after the end of my marriage. One of them is the letter R on the inside of my left wrist. It stands for Resilience. Here are few of my favourite quotes about resilience. She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails. – Elizabeth Edwards If all you can do is crawl, start crawling. – Rumi You drown not by falling in the river, but by staying submerged in it. – Paulo Coehlo

  • Personal Journey

    A Revelation

    What I am about to share is a very big deal for me. It’s something I have not shared with anyone online. Big breath. OK, here goes. This photo isn’t an accurate representation of how I look. At least not now, in person, on a day to day basis. You see, that is because in the fall of 2013 I cut off most of my hair and in the spring of 2015 I stopped dying it. And during all that time if I was to go on stage for a burlesque show or take a selfie for the Internetz I wore a wig. This is what I actually look like today.…

  • Personal Journey

    Being Truthful – Feeling Whole

    February was hard. Don’t get me wrong. There were many highlights during the shortest month of the year. It was my birthday at the beginning of the month and I had such meaningful happy moments with family and friends (including lots of aunt + niece time), but the month was also filled with a fair amount of travel, some illness (woo! gastro!) and a few interactions with toxic people (woo! emotional gastro!). There was also a walk down memory lane (woo! high school!) which had me feeling so disconnected.  I was unsure of how to be myself as I am now among people who knew me when. I behaved in…

  • Personal Journey

    Transformative

    On this night three years ago I voiced in confidence what I had decided to do. I was terribly lost and ever so afraid. The build up to the worst day of my life. Afterwards, one of the only things that made sense to me were sentimental songs. Their lyrics resonated as my heart broke and I feared that I was losing my mind. I was cruising about on the net and found another sentimental song to bookend this experience. I am so satisfied by the transformation. I truthfully didn’t think it was possible. It came to pass. It did not come to stay. I am sharing this because I…

  • Personal Journey

    Release & Embrace

    Happy Monday everyone! It feels like a happy one for me. The sun is up. The sky is bright and blue. I made myself a cup of delicious coffee. I had to grind the beans myself because I forgot to do it yesterday at the awesome 100% organic shop near my place, but that’s OK. It’s also a happy Monday because I woke up to two cats inches from my face and their whiskers grazing my nose. Sure, I wanted to sleep some more. I had gone to bed the night before at 12:30AM and it was 6:43AM. More sleep was needed. However, it is a happy feeling to be needed and…

  • Personal Journey

    Cuba Vacation

    I was away! I went on vacation! I didn’t use a computer and I only texted to let my friends and family know I arrived safely (OK, I also sent a couple of friends some texts about my observations). But still it was quite a tech free time. Instead, I spent my days reading, writing and swimming. I spent my nights looking at the stars and sleeping (having such wild and vivid dreams). I stayed at a small resort. I think their maximum capacity is 80 people. There were about 40 when I went. Mostly seniors as well as a few younger couples and a handful of single men who…

  • Personal Journey

    New Photos – New Beginning

    I did a photoshoot this weekend with Hausmann Photography. She specializes in pin-up, burlesque and boudoir photography. It was the first shoot in a long time where I felt truly comfortable in my own skin. An amazing experience. It’s been 14 years since I created my personal website, 14 years of taking photos and videos and sharing them online. The experience has been ever changing. Technology has changed so much and I have changed too. So many ebbs and flows. I love having this documentation though at times I also struggle with it. It’s challenging to have over provocative 50k pics of yourself at so many stages of your adult…

  • Personal Journey

    Endings Lead to New Beginnings and I Am Afraid

    I have been trying to figure out where my malaise is coming from. I have been sleeping so much and having a deep desire to disappear. I have been experiencing some anxiety and physical discomfort, but mostly I have felt stuck, still, passive, inert – dead. The only desire I have had is the desire to fade far into my dreams and away from my reality.  I have felt like this for a number of weeks. I was feeling so on the ball, so focused and excited in January and part of February and then heighten emotion hit me and then I froze. The truth of my situation came upon me and I am…

  • Personal Journey

    The Power of Hugs

    I came across a short article on how to maintain a satisfying libido. Even if you are flying solo like me this is an important read. I truly believe if you don’t use it you lose it so staying physically and mentally healthy helps you keep that drive up.  You never know when you may need it. ;-) One of the tips… Hug Therapy Love a good rub down? You’re not the only one. Some studies have shown that men need to be touched two to three times more frequently than women in order to maintain the same level of oxytocin, the sexy bonding hormone. Without frequent touch, your brain’s circuits and…

  • Personal Journey

    Having a Rough Time

    I have been having a rough time of it lately. I am dealing with lots of grief over the end of my marriage. I think it is because it has been one year and I am reflecting on what I have experienced so far. The pain that I didn’t deal with, couldn’t deal with, is re-emerging. I am having all sorts of dreams about it. Usually sleep and dreams are such a refuge for me. It doesn’t feel that way right now. There is more to the situation than I am saying. I want to protect his privacy. But I can say that I am feeling so sad and powerless. It…

  • Personal Journey

    Home Is Where the Quiet Space Is

    Moving out on my own has been an interesting experience. I realized quite quickly that I am very protective of my space. It is my sanctuary. I felt at home right away, but it has taken me months to get settled. Mostly, because of finances, as I have had to buy a piece of furniture one at a time. It is not quite fully furnished, much less decorated, but it is on its way. I am thinking in a month’s time, after the Montreal Burlesque Festival, I will be ready to have people over for a housewarming. It feels weird to have one. I feel my situation is not one…

  • Personal Journey

    Eat Pray Love

    I had more than one friend tell me I should read Eat Pray Love. I saw it at the airport one time soon after I left my now-ex-husband. I read the back of it and put it down right away. It was not a good time to read it. I was still in full crisis mode. I was falling apart daily. Every cell of my body was fighting to keep its cohesion. I needed to survive, not ponder my survival. I figured I was ready this summer to read it and I think I was right. It was a great cottage read. Only 352 pages, I got through it in…