I did a photoshoot this weekend with Hausmann Photography. She specializes in pin-up, burlesque and boudoir photography. It was the first shoot in a long time where I felt truly comfortable in my own skin. An amazing experience.
It’s been 14 years since I created my personal website, 14 years of taking photos and videos and sharing them online. The experience has been ever changing. Technology has changed so much and I have changed too. So many ebbs and flows. I love having this documentation though at times I also struggle with it. It’s challenging to have over provocative 50k pics of yourself at so many stages of your adult life (from the age of 27 to 41), at different stages of fitness (I was at my fittest when I ran a 21k  and at my least fit when I was put on prednisone for my PCH  and more recently when I was depressed and anxious post-separation) and at different stages of emotional well-being (I can look at a pic and know where I was in my head and heart at that point in my life – it’s wild) .
Now, I’m starting to get back to the body I feel is right for me. It’s determined by how clothes fit and how I carry myself on a day to day level. It’s one that is created by my own internal desire for health and vitality and not from an outside source of influence or someone ‘encouraging’ me to work out for a business goal. My personal website had my body be my tool for making my living (and someone else’s) and it caused me way too much turmoil. It was a consequence I did not see coming when I started my website. It was one I had to learn the hard way and one I’m still adjusting to as I figure who I am as an online personality, blogger, model, and performer.
I feel myself being pulled in a new direction. More to come.