• Perimenopause,  Sexuality

    Is it a Lube? Is it a Vaginal Moisturizer?

    Basic Definition A lubricant is a substance that lessens friction. They are used to make sexual activities (in particular vaginal and anal penetration) more comfortable and hopefully more pleasurable. We tend to use them when we want more lubrication than what our body’s own lubrication is providing. Which is pretty much everyone at one point or another or even often most of the time (like me for the past 20 years – yep, I need me lots of lube and have since my mid-twenties).  Sufficient vaginal lubrication is subjective, individual and not the signifier of sexual arousal that we have been taught to believe it is. Not at all in…

  • Sexuality

    Lube – Sexy Time Basics

    This is an updated version of an article I wrote in 2000. It’s now part 1 of a series of posts on how lube can help the perimenopausal vagina. Myth When a cis woman is aroused she has enough vaginal lubrication to make all the activities on her sexy time agenda comfortable and pleasurable. If she does not, then she must be defective in some way. She must be broken, not turned on, etc. Truth It’s often assumed that vaginal lubrication is an automatic response to sexual arousal, but it doesn’t always work that way. A total myth. To get some perspective I highly recommend the fantastic Ted Talk on…