• Inner Work,  Personal Journey

    What a Big Life Change Meant for Me

    I recently experienced a MAJOR life change. I was let go from my job. It was something that occurred unexpectedly and caused acute stress in me. I had a very rough 24-hours as I digested what had happened. From the moment I realized what was happening (it took a good long moment, mind you) something interesting occurred. Gratitude began to percolate in me (along with a whole lot of other feelings— like sadness, fear, and shame). Why Gratitude? I think this happened because I knew that as one door slammed shut in my face that I would open another. I knew that all the deep and painful personal work I’ve…

  • Inner Work

    Equanimity

    I’m obsessed with equanimity. It’s an often sought out thing, but a little used word. And it’s the word I want tattooed onto my body because I value equanimity so much. Equanimity is a mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. For much of my life – until I entered therapy when I was 39 – I struggled with finding any bit of peace within myself. I was always in panic mode. Always dealing with low and high levels of anxiety. Always trying to control things outside of myself (impossible and so so so draining) in order to avoid feeling my troubling or scary feelings.…

  • Inner Work

    Full – Core Desired Feeling

    Over the next few weeks I thought I’d write a little bit about my Core Desired Feelings (CDFs) and how they came about. I decided to start with FULL. The dictionary today defines FULL this way. FULL fo͝ol/ adjective 1. containing or holding as much or as many as possible; having no empty space. “wastebaskets full of rubbish” synonyms: filled, filled up, filled to capacity, filled to the brim, brimming, brimful More 2. not lacking or omitting anything; complete. “fill in your full name below” synonyms: comprehensive, thorough, exhaustive, all-inclusive, all-encompassing, all-embracing, in depth The cool thing about discovering your CDFs and using them to turn inner clarity into outer action…

  • Inner Work

    My Core Desired Feelings 2016

    For those of you who visit my website with an eye for details you may have noticed a change in my Core Desired Feelings over on the sidebar. In January I did my annual Desire Map work and I got a little more precise and a little more descriptive on how I wanted to feel. What I like about The Desire Map and Core Desired Feelings is that you do not need to obey the rules of grammar nor be sensible with the words you choose. If you want to feel like a Disney Character that can be one of your CDFs. If you want to feel spicy in whatever way you define spicy,…

  • Inner Work

    Chasing Goals VS Chasing Feelings

    You want it and you want it bad. Aspiring. Hoping. Plotting. Recurring. Reaching. Bubbling beneath your surface. You crave it — and it craves you. So you make a plan to get it. A to-do list. The bucket list. Quarterly objectives. Strategy. Accountability. The goal. Except . . . You’re not chasing the goal itself, you’re actually chasing a feeling. We have the procedures of achievement upside down. We go after the stuff we want to have, get, accomplish, and experience outside of ourselves. And we hope, yearn, pray that we’ll be fulfilled when we get there. It’s backwards. It’s outside in. And it’s running us in circles. – Danielle LaPorte…

  • Inner Work,  Personal Journey

    Avoiding Pain

    I have circled around this for a few months (actually years but very specifically more recently). Not pain but the various strategies I have used throughout my life to try to avoid pain, why I have tried to do so and why none have ever worked. It’s been interesting to unpack this deep-set of wounds. Challenging for sure, but interesting too. Perfection When I was a teenager and into my twenties I thought that if only I did such and such a thing I would be perfect and then I would not be in pain, that I would be happy. I thought pain was something to be avoided (more on…

  • Inner Work

    Gratitude Practice

    I so so so love my new gratitude practice. 10 Things Before bed I make a list of ten things I’m grateful for. Yes, I count them on my fingers. I say them over and over in my head and then drift off to sleep. Well, not over and over as I actually fall asleep before the second round. I don’t have insomnia, but I do have a busy brain and I need routines and rituals to help ease me to sleep. Otherwise, I toss and turn. I’m very restless. While I am glad this new gratitude practice helps me fall asleep it is actually about so much more. This practice is good for…

  • Inner Work

    Clearing Space, Mindfulness & Sex

    I have been doing much clearing this year. Of damaging habits, old strategies that were hurting more than they were helping. It is an on going process of internal, mindful recalibrating of the way I think, perceive and respond. I have also been doing this in a physical way. If you follow me on Twitter you will have noticed tweet about shredding and purging. One of the other things I have been doing in this recalibration is a mix of the mind and the body. I have created a new morning routine for myself! I was inspired after reading Be More With Less‘  Courtney Carver’s mini course How To Create…